Grief Is More Than Just Sadness
Grief isn’t only about feeling sad that someone important has died. You might also feel angry, abandoned, helpless, scared, guilty, or even relieved. Since the death, it may have become harder to want to be around people, even as you feel profoundly alone in your grief. Everyone grieves differently, and each person’s experience is so unique that it can feel impossible to compare. What remains common, though, is this: there has been a huge loss in your life, and life, at least in some ways, will never be the same again.
Conflicted Grief
We grieve when we love, even when that love was complicated. It can feel especially confusing to navigate grief when you’re carrying so many mixed and conflicted emotions that you don’t know where to begin. On top of that, you might feel ashamed or guilty for having these mixed emotions, especially when it seems like everyone else is only yearning, missing their person, and recalling wonderful memories.
If your deceased person abused, criticized, manipulated, took advantage of, or otherwise mistreated you, it may feel impossible to yearn for them. Or perhaps you do still yearn for them—and now you’re judging yourself for missing someone who caused you so much pain. You might worry that others will judge you for not being “sad enough,” or feel guilty that you don’t feel as sorrowful as you think you “should.” You may also be grieving the relationship you wished you had with this person—a relationship that is now permanently out of reach.
These are some questions you might have asked yourself:
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“Shouldn’t I be sadder?”
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“Am I a bad person for feeling relieved that they died?”
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“Why am I so upset that they died when they caused me so much pain?”
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“Did I even love them?”
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“Why do I still miss them? Am I a doormat or a pushover for missing them?”
How We Will Work Together Through Your Grief
All of your feelings and thoughts are normal and valid. Feeling relieved that your significant person died does not make you a bad person. Conflicted grief can be an incredibly lonely experience, especially when you’re afraid others will judge you for how you feel.
I have navigated my own conflicted grief, so I am intimately familiar with this terrain. At the same time, I will never pretend to fully understand your unique experience. No two grief journeys are the same. I will honor and acknowledge our differences, while also offering resonance and connection when our experiences overlap.
Together, we will move through the messiness and confusion at your pace. I will sit with you in it all—with curiosity, compassion, and without judgment. My hope is that you find greater clarity in your grieving process, make space to feel both the pain and the relief, and discover a form of closure that feels meaningful and supportive to you.
Let’s Work Together
Get in touch so we can start working together.
